Top-10 Halloween Movie Monsters and Their Motorcycles

Thanks to the ongoing struggle with COVID-19 lots of party plans and trick-or-treating expeditions will be scrapped this season. But there are still plenty of ways to get in the Halloween spirit, particularly if you’re fond of classic monster and/or horror films. Specific characters like Frankenstein or Dracula will be ingrained in our minds forever thanks to some movie that once captured our imagination. Character tropes like zombies, aliens, or witches are constantly being reworked and updated. And more recent characters touch on fears so deep that some will lose sleep at the mere thought of them.

But we’re motorcyclists, after all, so what’s the tie-in? Well, as a thought experiment, (which I’m prone to do from time to time), I set out to find a bike that would go best with some of the most beloved and feared movie monsters ever created. Here are 10 of the best.

Frankenstein is a big fella with poor social skills who scares the living daylights out of townspeople without even trying. Being oversize and underappreciated means Frankenstein needs a bike that will give him ample space to ride, but also say something about the class of his character. The Indian Challenger Dark Horse is a well-appointed bagger with an ample enough cockpit that also shows ol' Frank has taste and an edge. The 1,768cc V-twin provides plenty of pull for a monster his size, and the infotainment system would let him forget all his troubles as he feels the air flow over his neck bolts to the sweet sounds of Journey. Plus, the angular, muscled stance of the Challenger Dark Horse and its low-tone, menacing growl are perfect complements to Frankenstein’s own look and sound.

Dracula is old and has a lot of money, so why not a Gold Wing? Well, his aspirations lie in leaving Transylvania for the more amenable climes of England, where he can spread the vampire plague more effectively among the unsuspecting residents of London. He’s got a high-society air about him and is a bit of a ladies' man, so it benefits him to fit in. That way his reign of terror can proceed undisturbed. A Bonneville T120 has it all for Dracula. It’s a respectable machine with deep English roots, refined for the times like a well-pressed cape. It has a relaxed, almost aloof, rider triangle, but enough power and handling to escape from anyone who might become suspicious of his intent. But it will still turn heads at times, meaning he’ll be more likely to not miss a meal anytime soon.

No, it’s not just because the pop-culture mummy trope started after the discoveries of mummified Egyptian remains. But let’s face it, a mummy has a lot of off-roading to do in order to get from the tomb to the town. And the Africa Twin Sport ES DCT would be a great option for covering a lot of miles in the dunes. The DCT option would be a nice touch too because he’d just need to work a foot lever to move through the gears. It’s the little things that count after waking up from a five-thousand-year-long nap. The Africa Twin transitions seamlessly into urban environments, and with the press of a button, he could quickly switch from the off-road ride mode to something more suitable for asphalt. And since he’s looking high and low for his bride, he could rest assured that his machine would be capable of tackling whatever road necessary.

The Wolfman doesn’t ride all the time, but when he does it’s off-road and it’s at night. He needs something agile, lightweight, and capable of getting him to the treeline fast on the night of a full moon. The KTM is a fantastic option for our unfortunate, furry friend because it absolutely rips on trails and has solid Xplor adjustable suspension front and rear. He’d save quite a bit of energy chasing down his prey on the EXC-F and in the morning, he could give it a quick pressure-wash and have it be good as new. And if he needed, there are plenty of accessory upgrades like auxiliary lights, crash protection, and expanded-capacity fuel tanks.

The Invisible Man is a scientist who has strayed from the “right” path, so it seems fitting to put him aboard a motorcycle that’s helping to break the petrol tradition with technological innovation. The Zero SR/F is quiet and quick, easily capable of disappearing into the night without a trace in the right hands. Without that pesky exhaust note, he also stands a better chance of creeping up on his potential victims without any notice too. Or at least getting close before parking, ditching his bandages, then closing the gap in full invisible mode. There are also more than 30,000 charging stations currently in the UK, so he wouldn’t want for places to juice his ride.

Zombies are tough. There are a lot of different types, and the bike would really depend on which zombie we’re talking about. A Walking Dead zombie might be right at home on one of Norman Reedus' post-apocalyptic custom jobs while a Shaun of the Dead zombie would be more believable on a Zuma 125. But generally speaking, zombies are hopelessly dumb and driven by an insatiable hunger for human meat, of some kind or other. So they need something effortless to ride and something with the capability to tackle different types of terrain. Since they’re chasing humans when they’re riled up, it’s not likely they’ll need to get too far off-road, but a fire road or trail is a definite possibility. Of course, the Trail 125 isn’t going to be a speed demon of any sort, but it will go faster than an un-zombified person can run and that’s all that matters.

Aliens are a lot like zombies in that they vary widely and are hard to pin down. But for the Earth-invading Martian, I feel like the Yamaha Niken is a good fit. At first glance, the Niken looks like some strange yet familiar machine, not quite a motorcycle but also not a car, built by engineers with mechanical knowledge we haven’t yet attained. But then, once it’s on the road, it’s incredibly capable, moving with precision through turns, mimicking the movements of what we’ve known motorcycles to make but still completely foreign. The horde of Martian invaders would beam down on their steeds, laser guns a-blazing, and we’d just stand there in shock and horror, trying to figure out why there were two wheels on the front and only one on the back.

A witch’s broom is fast and agile, turning on a dime and accelerating from zero to 60 in a flash. The Hypermotard 950 SP would be a suitable upgrade for these devilish creatures, giving them all the handling and power they’ve come to expect in their means of transportation. Granted, it wouldn’t be as quiet as a broom, but I’m sure they’d come to embrace the menacing note of an Akrapovič slip-on as a complement to their frightening air. Get some removable saddlebags for potions and spell books, and they’d be ready for action.

The indomitable, hockey mask-clad killer Jason needs a bike as indestructible as he is. The Kawasaki KLR650 is just the ticket. This machine will plow through just about anything, and keep running even after it’s been to hell and back. Jason doesn’t strike me as one to spend a lot of time wrenching on his bikes, so the low-maintenance, simple design of the KLR650 would suit his personality well. And its all-terrain ability would be a real bonus when it comes time to chase down terrified teenagers through the forest.

Freddy Krueger scared the living s—t out of me when I was younger. The demonic serial killer gets into your dreams and does whatever the hell he wants. It’s still a terrifying prospect, even now that I’m approaching middle age, and a monster with that level of scare-ability needs a ride with its own nightmarish atmosphere. The RK Concepts RK Thing is a great example of the bike I imagine Freddy Krueger would ride, but really anything from custom builder Rafik Kaissi would do. Kaissi produces incredible, mind-boggling customs that would be right at home in Krueger’s world. Freddy doesn’t have to worry about performance or handling or any of that because he’ll be able to make any bike he has do whatever he wants. So it’s all about style in this case, and I think RK Concepts hits the mark beautifully.