Barbie’s Malibu Dream Scooter | Fashion Police

First things first: Just because you can ride Barbie's Malibu Dream Scooter doesn't mean you should. Sure, you live less than 100 miles from Malibu, and maybe the temptation to visit a real, live oceanside dream house got to be too much, but still... Some 10-year-old is sobbing into her fake plastic beer at the loss of that faux Piaggio. Do the right thing: Give it back.

Of course, topping out at about 17 mph, this hot-pink contraption will certainly get you noticed, no matter how much camouflage you wear. That orange hibiscus is not going to hide you for long in the wilds of dusty Bakersfield, and certainly not with that savannah-print purse. What, were you going for the grand prize in the “most patterns that don’t match in a single ensemble” contest? Where did you find a zebra slow enough that it couldn’t outrun that pathetic excuse for a scooter, anyway?

Now, it's true that we here at the magazine make fun of scooters and scooter aficionados. A lot. However, even we appreciate the benefits of inexpensive, economical transportation. But in the future, folks, please do us a favor: If you can't walk home after getting your hair did and your nails done, at least make sure the vehicle that transports you there doesn't come with a top-heavy plastic doll who can't bend her knees. And for Ken's sake, wear a helmet!